Funeral Flower Etiquette: What to Send and When

If you have just been asked to send flowers to a funeral, you probably have three questions: what to send, where to send it, and what to write. Here is a plain answer to each.

The main types of funeral flowers

• Casket spray. The arrangement that rests on the casket. This is traditionally chosen by the immediate family, so check before ordering one. See casket sprays.
• Standing spray. A large arrangement on an easel, placed beside the casket at the service. Usually sent by close friends, extended family or colleagues. See standing sprays.
• Wreath. A circle, symbolising life without end. Often sent by groups: a workplace, a congregation, a team. See wreaths.
• Standing cross. Chosen for Christian services, usually by family or very close friends. See crosses.
• Bouquets and baskets. Best sent to the family's home rather than the service, because they need no setup and can be enjoyed afterwards.

Where to send them

Large arrangements on easels go to the funeral home or the place of worship, and they need to arrive before the service starts. Send the venue name, the address, the name of the deceased and the service time when you order, so the arrangement is placed with the right family. Smaller bouquets and plants are better sent to the family's home, where they are not competing with a schedule.

When flowers are not the custom

At traditional Jewish funerals, flowers are generally not sent; a donation to a charity or food for the family during shiva is customary. At Muslim funerals, arrangements are usually kept simple and some families prefer none at all. Hindu services often use garlands, which are handled by the family. If you are unsure, the funeral home will tell you what the family has asked for, and "in lieu of flowers" in an obituary should always be respected.

What to write on the card

Short and warm beats long and literary. A few that always work:

• "With deepest sympathy from all of us at [company]."
• "Thinking of you and your family."
• "In loving memory of [name]."
• "With heartfelt condolences."

Sign with your full name if the family may not recognise a first name alone, and include how you knew the person if it is not obvious.

Color and size

White is the traditional base: lilies, roses, chrysanthemums. Soft pinks, blues and lavenders read as gentle and personal, while bold reds and yellows suit someone whose personality was bright. Size follows closeness: immediate family send the largest pieces, colleagues and friends send standing sprays or wreaths, and acquaintances send a bouquet to the home.

Ordering at short notice

Funerals rarely give much notice. Our Coney Island Ave shop is open 24 hours, and we deliver to funeral homes and churches across Brooklyn and all of New York City. If the service is today or tomorrow, call us at (929) 309-5719 rather than ordering online and we will tell you immediately what is possible.

See all funeral arrangements.